Monday, March 12, 2007

Is experience knowledge?

I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong

I know I'm not the only one out there with a dysfunctional family.

But, just the same, I have emotional baggage from it. Throw in the freaky religious connotations, and the situation just gets more complicated by the moment. This year I'm the maid of honor in my sister's wedding, and I couldn't be more honored to be that. I'd give anything of myself for ANY of my siblings without thinking twice about it. The whole religion thing though has me second guessing whether that courtesy would ever be returned however. When it comes to such things, I'm definitely the pariah of just about everyone I've grown up around. Do you have any idea how hard it is to hear one of your childhood friends tell you "I like you and all, but we can't be friends like we used to, because you don't hold the exact same beliefs as I do"? And imagining one of my siblings drawing that line with me....wow. Does it ever get easier, finding out who you are, especially when it means giving up everything you've always known?

At least it reinforces the type of family I want to produce someday. Religion is good and all, but unless you are willing to broaden your horizons and experience what life is really all about, don't commit yourself to something without understanding the full spectrum of whats being offered to you. Isn't it amazing how the loss of one special person can stick with you through the years, and make you stop and think about everything you desire and strive to be like? I have had to learn so much the hard way, and I've lost freinds, but there is only one loss thats taught me so much when emerging from the other side of that tunnel of confusion. I think I get why I needed to learn that lesson now.

How many things have I seen because I've allowed myself to be a part of something? I can't even number it. We were given so much more than a book tells us about....limiting yourself to that is cheating yourself out of the real beauty of experience.

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on
I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone
I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on
- Rascal Flatts

1 comment:

Ashley said...

Kris, your post is AWESOME!! Couldnt have said it better myself!!